


Wild Hearts

by scullytrash



Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-25
Updated: 2015-04-25
Packaged: 2018-03-25 17:10:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 14,540
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3818335
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scullytrash/pseuds/scullytrash
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zoo AU: Alison works at a zoo’s starbucks in order to fund acting classes. Beth works as a security gaurd while training to be a detective.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

“Fee, this job is killing me,” Alison sighed, trying to juggle her keys, purse, and phone as she escaped her car.“Felix?” She could hear his voice on the other end, but it was all nonsense. She was pretty sure she heard “elephant.” And he was definitely using his Kid Voice, the one he used with the smallest customers. 

“Oh yeah, sorry, I’ve gotta go now. Haven’t even clocked in yet and children are running up asking me questions about stuffed animals and shi- stuff,” he coughed, barely keeping the inappropriate language in. Alison knew it was for the children’s benefit and not her own, though he knew she disapproved of it, too. “Listen, you’ll be fine. Put on your best happy face for now and come visit me on your break, okay?”

“Okay, Felix. Than-.” She heard the click on the other end before she even got the last word out and sighed again.

Alison threw her phone in her purse roughly and walked towards the zoo entrance. As she approached the young female security officer standing guard, she tilted her hat showing her where she worked. The woman nodded with a sweet smile, allowing her to pass through the employee entrance. 

Walking through the gate was like entering a new world. Children were allowed to run freely, screaming their tiny hearts out, while parents trailed unhappily after them. Vendors stood every ten feet, trying obnoxiously hard to sell little animals masks and overpriced cups of soda (thankfully her uniform saved her from their wrath).

Worst of all was the scent of dirty animals that hit her nose, but by now she was used to it. The first time she’d come for an interview, Alison had to force herself to not scrunch up her nose. She continued to remind herself how much she needed this job but still barely restrained from making faces. The money would pay for her acting classes now that her parents refused to. Besides, Felix worked just across the little arch of shops in the zoo’s gift store, which was a good enough reason for her to choose this place as the source for her class funds.

The Starbucks was at the edge of the zoo’s courtyard. The doors were propped open so the warm air could float in and the smell of coffee could float out, and Alison slipped between them quickly. She was three minutes late, which wouldn’t matter to her manager but would definitely be noticed by-

Aynsley’s voice jabbed towards her co-worker. “Alison!”

“Hello,” Alison said, feigning cheeriness. 

“Three minutes late, not going to look if you’re applying for that assistant manager position.” She wasn’t, and she’d told her several times. But Aynsley seemed desperate to make everything a competition even when unopposed.

“I think it’ll be okay,” Alison said, tying her apron around her body as she walked around the counter. "How’s business today?“

"Oh, fine. Not much going on, way too hot outside for coffee, but a few guys came in earlier and tried to flirt with me. I told them I have a boyfriend, but they wouldn’t stop. So annoying.” She sighed, and Alison cringed. 

She was tired of hearing about Chad and the trail of other boys supposedly following Aynsley around. Donnie, Alison’s lump of a boyfriend, could never compare to her friend’s many conquests. At this point, she was only keeping up the relationship so she could have something to tell Aynsley about, but she knew all of her stories about him were told in a passionless voice. Aynsley seemed to have noticed too, because she was constantly harassing her to break up with him. But Alison couldn’t be the single one standing next to the perfect, tall, blonde, taken friend all day.

As if on cue, Aynsley’s perfect, tall, blonde counterpart walked through the door. “Hey, Hendrix!” he called, much louder than the little coffee shop required. “Have you seen my girl?”

“Chaaad,” Aynsley exhaled stubbornly. “Stop it!”

He laughed, leaning over the counter to kiss her. She let his lips meet hers for a moment before stepping back. “Not at work,” she hissed, but Alison could hear a touch of happiness in it.

“Fine,” he leaned back, a smug smile etched across his face.

“Hey, wait right there! I have something for you in the back.” Aynsley flashed him a smile before speed-walking towards the mini-break room.

“So, Hendrix,” Chad leaned across the counter, resting his chin on his hand. “What are you up to tonight?”

Alison could feel her whole body tightening. She reminded herself that he wasn’t flirting with her, definitely not. Just being nice. And besides, she was his girlfriend’s best friend, so why shouldn’t he be nice to her? She knew that Chad had cheated on Aynsley before (she’d felt oddly proud of Donnie as her best friend melted in her arms when she told her), but he wouldn’t attempt to do anything like that with her. Even if she wasn’t his girlfriend’s best friend, why would he even want to?

“Um, nothing,” she spit out, forcing herself to act calm. “Felix and I might be going to a movie, but nothing’s final so…”

“Found it!” Aynsley charged back into the room, shoving their conversation out of her way. She slid a DVD across the counter. 

“Oh, this! Yeah, thanks, honey. What’d you think?”

“Eh, not really my type of movie. I’ve told you before I don’t like action very much.”

“Come on!” he pouted. “This is a classic!”

They argued over it a bit more, but Alison tuned it out, pretending to be wiping off the counter.

“Anyway, I have to be off now,” Chad finally said. “The guys are all meeting up at the bar in an hour.” He pecked Aynsley’s cheek, but she turned, letting him give her one final kiss before his departure. The no kissing at work rule only seemed to apply when she said it did.

“Bye, babe,” he said when they finally broke apart. He nodded towards Alison with a muttered, “Hendrix” before walking back between the open doors.

Aynsley slipped into a fit of giggles once he was out of earshot. “How cute is he?” she squealed, apparently ignoring the fact that he’d been caught cheating on her only a month previously. “You know he bought a season pass for the zoo? It cost like fifty dollars, he said, but that way he can come visit me whenever he wants without having to pay to get in. Isn’t that so sweet?” She continued to rattle on, but Alison again tuned it out. She had perfected the art. She used to occasionally nod or slip in one of her little “mmhmm!”s but Alison started to realize that Aynsley wouldn’t even notice if she didn’t respond.

The afternoon slipped by slowly. A handful of teenager girls came in together, and Alison remembered a time when she was convinced that a day wasn’t complete without a cup of coffee. Other than them, the afternoon was customer-less. Alison almost wished Donnie would visit her like Chad did for Aynsley, but she also knew that if he did come in, she’d only be annoyed by his presence.

She mentioned this thought to Felix a few hours later on her break. Alison sat on the floor of the gift shop as he stood on a ladder, rearranging a huge shelf holding various forms of stuffed animals. Children ran around them screaming, begging their parents to buy them expensive toys, and crying when they shook their heads. Alison’s ability to tune people out didn’t seem to transfer to children, and her and Felix were practically screaming at each other over their noise.

“You need to just dump his ass!” Felix said, ignoring the look Alison gave him at the use of a curse word. “Seriously, there are so many better people in the world for you. A lot of good ladi-”

“Don’t!” Alison shrieked, “even say it! I’ve told you before that I’m not,” she quickly lowered her voice, whispering the final word, “gay.”

Felix laughed. “Fine, fine! I’m only kidding, you know. Just saying, I’ve seen the way you look at Donnie and pretty much all other men and I’ve never seen an ounce of attraction between you and any man. I don’t know how or why you’ve ever had a boyfriend at all.”

“That’s not true! I’m just not one for public affection is all,” she pouted, readjusting her head so she could lean against a stack of stuffed animals instead of the wall.

“Or any affection,” he muttered as a little boy ran up to him.

“Excuse me, um, guy?” The kid appeared to be about eight, and he wore a huge chocolate stain around his mouth like messy lipstick. “Do you have any more monkey masks? Monkeys are my FAVORITE.” Alison winced, wondering why all children had to shout everything they said.

“Well,” Felix said, climbing down from the ladder, “let me just go check on that for you, if that’s okay? Stay right there and I’ll be right back.”

Alison chuckled at the change in his voice that always came when customers spoke to him. “Oi! Shut it!” he said as he swished by, knowing exactly what she was laughing at.

Felix returned a few minutes later shaking his head. “Looks like we’re all out. Sorry, bud. Although I do know that we have monkey puppets or,” he reached up to the shelf he’d just been working on, “stuffed animals!”

The boy squinted. “I’m much too old for stuffed animals,” he grunted before running off.

Felix spun around to see if Alison had overheard. “Well!” They both laughed.

“I have to get back to work,” Alison sighed, pulling herself up from the floor. “Only an hour left,”

“Until you get off? I thought you were off at nine today.”

“No. Until Aynsley leaves.”

Felix chuckled. “And you call her your best friend.”

“Only to her face. You know it’s really you,” she smiled.

“I’m so touched! Alright so meet at the entrance at nine? We doing a movie tonight?”

“I’m just a poor college student, Fee!”

“Dollar theater it is. See you in a few hours. Stay strong!”

Alison wove through the sea of customers, barely dodging a girl with pigtails streaming behind her.

The next hour was spent pretending to clean. A few customers sprinkled in as the sun’s departure cooled off the air, but still few people wanted hot drinks. Their little Starbucks didn’t have the chain’s full menu, but they offered cold ones too. They mostly went unsold though, drunk only by the employees, since a smoothie bar stood next to it.

When Aynsley finally departed (“Off to meet Chad!”), Alison closed the doors behind her. She knew that few people would even glance over at the little Starbucks, but someone was even less likely to wander in and bother her if they had to put effort into pulling open a door in their way. She grabbed one of the chairs at the coffee shop’s single table and dragged it around the corner where she unceremoniously plopped down. As the only employee left for the day, Alison didn’t feel obligated to busy herself with pointless work. Instead, she pulled a book out of her purse and cracked it open.

At nineteen, Alison was the youngest member of her book club. She’d been invited in by one of her college friends who she was twenty-one and had previously been the youngest. The rest was made up of women in their late twenties and early thirties; many were even mothers. Alison enjoyed their company though, not minding that she didn’t fit in perfectly. They seemed to enjoy having her too, at least she thought they did.

Just as she finally could feel herself slipping away into the book’s pages, the bell hanging from the door handle rang, pulling her back out. Alison jumped up, slamming her book shut as if hoping the customer wouldn’t notice that she hadn’t been doing her job.

“Um, are you guys still open?” It was one of the security guards, the woman who had been standing at the front of the zoo today.

“Oh yeah, sorry about that. I just like to close the doors when I’m alone and enjoy the quiet.” Alison silently dropped the book on the chair, hoping the officer wouldn’t notice that she’d been reading. She wasn’t sure if reporting employees reading on the clock was part of the duties of a security guard, but she wasn’t going to take her chances.

“Oh,” the woman smiled, walking towards the counter. “Sorry, am I disturbing your reading?”

“What? I wasn’t,” Alison stammered, unable to form a complete sentence.

“Relax,” she laughed casually. “I’m not going to tell on you, if that’s what you’re worried about. Besides, a girl who reads? Hot.”

Alison could feel her face growing red as she stammered random chunks of words, “I - bu- oh.”

The guard smiled, ignoring the mutterings. “I’m Beth. I’d like Detective Childs, but that’s not quite accurate. Yet. Still working for the title. Which means I get to gaurd random shit like this zoo instead, like it’s important. Like anyone will blow up a little zoo like this.”

Alison jumped at the word “shit” but she didn’t cringe like she did when Felix said it. It almost sounded cute, the way this woman, Beth, said it. The way her mouth had curled around the word.

“Anyway, Ali, sorry for ruining your quiet with my ramblings. If I could just get a coffee, I can get your of your hair.”

“What? Ali…?” How had she known her name? Had she been spying on her? “Oh!” She looked down at her name badge and saw Aynsley’s handiwork posted on her chest. “Alison,” she corrected, immediately feeling stupid for saying it. It didn’t matter what this unofficial Detective Childs called her, really.

“Oh, sorry! Alison.” She smiled, showing a row of perfectly white teeth. “I like it. It fits you.”

Alison’s hands ran through her hair nervously, a habit she wasn’t in much control of. “Thanks,” she breathed. “Um. Coffee. Right, uh, how did you want that?”

“Black. No fancy stuff, I’m an easy customer.” The smile remained strong.

Alison instantly forgot how to make everything that Starbucks sold, even how to just pour a cup of coffee. “Just a moment,” she said, turning as she shook her head in an attempt to regain composure. She quickly poured the coffee and scribbled Beth’s name on it, although there wasn’t anyone else to mix the orders up with. She added a smiley face next to it and instantly felt her face growing warm again. Alison had always done this when writing customers’ names on their cups; she wasn’t sure why her fingers felt so tingly doing it now.

“Here you are,” she said, putting on her best Costumer Face as she handed Beth the cup.

“Aww, a smiley face? Just for me? You’re adorable.”

Alison’s hands shook, and she could feel coffee drizzling down her hands. “Oh my goodness! I’m so sorry!” she shrieked, quickly pulling back. She set the cup down and snatched up large handfuls of napkins from the dispenser.

Beth chuckled, picking up the cup. Alison could feel her arm skimming past her own. “It’s okay, I think it actually all got on you, anyway.”

“I can pour you some more!” Alison practically shouted at her, but Beth shook her head with the same almost constant smile.

“Really, it’s okay. Besides, less coffee means I’ll have an excuse to come back for a refill later.” Alison wasn’t quick enough to respond before the woman was pushing open the door and escaping into the cool night. “Bye, Alison! Enjoy the book!”

And she was gone. Alone again, Alison suddenly didn’t enjoy the quiet as much.


	2. Chapter Two

The movie, a romance film, was awful, just the way Felix and Alison liked them. The theater was filled with their howling laughter until they were shushed by a woman sitting next to them, at which point Alison politely quieted down and Felix did not. At least until the ending scene, where the lead actor spit out a terribly cheesy I’ve Always Loved You Speech, when the pushed down giggles were stronger than Alison’s will.

Felix and Alison had started the tradition of watching bad romance movies in middle school, but then they were too naive to see them as anything but wonderful. It wasn’t until tenth grade that they saw them as anything other than great; while sitting in Alison’s basement, Felix paused the night’s film and declared loudly, “This movie is really shitty.”

Alison’s mother heard from the laundry room and came in to lecture Felix about his “use of the English language” and when she left, their laughter followed her out. It didn’t stop when Alison pushed play again and continued throughout the movie and into every other movie that came after it.

Now they didn’t have a mother to lecture them, and as the lights came back on, Felix announced that this too was a shitty movie, and wasn’t it great? And Alison didn’t mention his language either, because it was now an unspoken rule that he was allowed to say it about bad films.

Alison agreed that it was a shitty movie, though she said it in piloter terms. It all just seemed corny and fake to a girl who had never been given a true I Love You. All she’d ever been tossed was an almost required Love-You before Donnie left her on the front porch after a date. And once, with his hands reached up her shirt (and over her bra, as far as she would let him go, and only because she was too tired to fight him), did he give her something that perhaps resembled a true I Love You that later made her realize all she felt towards him was hollowness.

“Back to my place?” Felix asked as they reached the parking lot, pulling her out of the Donnie memories. Alison didn’t an answer, just slipped into his car with a smile.

Post-movies meant alcohol on the floor of Felix’s shitty apartment, spilling secrets that could only be told after suffering through such trashiness with the person you were sharing with, and uncontrollable laughter at anything half-resembling humor.

Felix popped open a beer as Alison sipped at a glass of wine - the only alcohol that had ever passed through her lips and the only one she’d drink now. She ran her finger over the edge of the glass, a move she’d seen someone do in a television show once that she remembered thinking was classy.

“So, Alison,” Felix mumbled as he plopped down beside her, leaning his head against the wall. “Thoughts?” He didn’t mean thoughts on the movie, although those were acceptable, but thoughts in general - on life, on love, on the taste of her wine.

“I think,” she said, as she sat up, “that the lady next to us in the movie was really obnoxious.”

“Oh my god, you loser, give me something real. Something to work with.” He playfully shoved her, and a squeak escaped her lips.

“Hey!”

“For real now.”

She took a sip of her wine, shaking her head. “Maybe I don’t have anything to share. Maybe it’s your turn to spill some secrets.”

Felix squinted. “I don’t think you deserve my secrets. They have to be earned.”

“Oh, come on now.” Alison swatted at his leg. “Maybe I just don’t have anything new to tell you. Did you ever think that after six years of best friendship I might have just run out of things you don’t know about me? What, do you want me to tell you when I first got my period?” She covered her mouth quickly, surprised at what the wine on her breath had made her bold enough to say.

“Seventh grade.”

“What?”

“You first got your period in seventh grade, and you were so relieved because you were the last person out of your friends, sorry, female friends, to get it and you thought there was something wrong with you and maybe you weren’t really a girl but some dickless half-boy thing.”

“How do-?”

“I know everything about you, Alison Hendrix.” Felix raised an eyebrow, throwing her a triumphant look.

She sat in shock, but quickly recovered enough to say, “Well then you can’t get mad at me for not having any new secrets to spill. You, on the other hand, are filled to the brim with them, so give something up. I feel like a bad friend not knowing everything about you too!”

“Mmm, don’t, darling,” Felix muttered as he lifted his beer to his lips. “You’re the first to know about Colin, that’s something, innit it?”

“Colin?” Alison’s eyes lit up. She loved hearing about the boys Felix liked, even when it became repetitive. “And who is this fellow?”

“Works at the gift store. New hire, pretty much useless. But he’s cute. He wears glasses, Alison! Glasses!” She nodded as if she knew exactly what he was talking about, this fascination of glasses. “And he’s studying mortuary sciences, isn’t that so dark and mysterious? I don’t know, something about him, mmm.”

“And he’s, you know?”

“Almost definitely not. Probably a dead end but doesn’t mean I can’t look.”

“Felix!”

“Oh, come on. Like you’ve never done it. Chad!” Alison flinched, which she realized made her look guilty of the crime. But she had never wanted anything to do with Chad, and she hated that everyone, including him sometimes, seemed to think differently. Not only was he her friend’s boyfriend, but he also just wasn’t that attractive to her. Good looking, sure, probably. But not the kind that made Alison feel butterflies. Not that a lack of butterflies had ever stopped her before, with current boyfriends.

“I can’t wait to see him tomorrow.”

“Wait? You’re seeing Chad tomorrow?”

“What? No, no,” Felix laughed. “Colin. Pay attention!”

Alison shook her head, confused. Trying to keep up, she said, “Oh, you’re going out with him tomorrow? Good for you, Felix!”

Felix snorted. “I wish! No, I’m seeing him at work. You know, the place where I know him from. The place I have to go all the time. And where he goes. To make money to study mortuary sciences. Oi, haven’t you been listening to a bloody word I say?”

“Wait, you’re working tomorrow?”

“Well, yeah, you know I’ve been working overtime to pay for art supplies and the hopes of a better apartment.”

Alison rolled her eyes, “Yeah but Felix! Why are we getting super duper drunk if you’re going to work tomorrow? That’s one of the rules and you know it!”

“Oh, is it? Didn’t know, sorry. Oh well, no going back!” He quickly hopped up to grab a second beer. “Besides, I don’t believe you’ve been super duper drunk a day in your life, and you’re certainly not today with the usual one glass of wine-”

“Refill, please?” Alison held her glass up to him and he grabbed it, snickering.

“Oh, but don’t you think you’ve had enough, Alison dear? Aren’t you already drunk on your one glass?”

“It was a big glass,” she pouted, before quickly sitting up, trying to look demanding. “And I’d like another.”

Two and a half glasses later, Alison was beginning to hit her desired super duper drunk. She didn’t know why today was the day to do it, but she couldn’t think of any reason not to. She didn’t have to work tomorrow. She didn’t have to drive home - her apartment was across the street and she was sure she could at least walk to it. She didn’t have anything stopping her from accepting a second glass or the two after it.

All she had was a desire to keep going, a desire to block out thoughts of the movie and how maybe it hadn’t really been so bad after all, maybe the characters’ love was real, maybe she was just too bitter and alone to understand it. She wasn’t sure why these thoughts were pushing their way to the front of her mind today, and Alison had realized that she had been a pro had keeping them down without even knowing it.

But she still didn’t understand fully why she had accepted more wine, and then finally, at the end of the night, why she took a beer from Felix’s fridge and chugged the entire thing when he was in the bathroom, tossing it into the trash bin so he wouldn’t see. She was beautifully drunk for the first time in her life. As she walked sloppily across the street into the apartment she shared with Donnie, no, Donnie’s apartment, not hers, not theirs, she thought about how she still wasn’t drunk enough to tell Felix. She would never be able to tell him how much she was not in love with her boyfriend. Or how she had never been in love with any of the boys before him. How she was afraid, just as she had been at her late period, that something about her might be different than the other girls, that something might be wrong.


	3. Chapter Three

Alison tugged at the door handle of the miniature Starbucks, irritated at her seemingly broken key. She shoved it back into the lock, twisting it as hard as she could, finally managing a click. The door remained unlocked as she went inside; although they wouldn’t open for another hour, the zoo hadn’t yet unlocked its gates, meaning she was safe from wandering patrons.

The brunette hated opening. She hated getting up early and being the first one to work and setting everything up alone. She hated that it didn’t seem right to stop at Starbucks on the way, like most employees did on the way to a morning job. But she liked the sunrise, and the zoo’s empty walkways, and most importantly the nice paycheck at the end of the week, so when Aynsley had asked if she’d be willing to cover her shift, Alison agreed.

Now she busied herself with work, turning on the coffee machines, sweeping the floors (which should have been done last night but had apparently been forgotten), and counting the cash register drawers.

Thirty-six dollars into the first drawer, the bell on the door rang, and Alison’s head jerked up, her entire body tensing. “We’re closed!” she automatically snapped.

“Oh, sorry! You’re not the usual opener, I guess?” It was the security guard, the one Alison had talked to a few days previously. Beth, the name lit up in her mind. “No, it’s okay. The other girl usually lets some of us come in early to get coffee, but um, sorry. I’ll leave.”

“No! It’s, uh, it’s fine, really.” Alison smoothed out her apron, finding the gesture calming. “Sorry, I was just surprised is all. You can come in. Of course.”

“You sure?” Beth’s head and a single hand were the only thing holding the door open now; the rest of her body stood firmly on the outside. “It’s no trouble, really. I can come back when you’re officially open. It’s what I should technically do anyway.”

Alison smiled, finding her politeness charming. “I’m sure. Please, come in. Take a seat.” The security guard obeyed, sliding into the coffee shop and pulling a stool over to the counter. “What will you have? The usual?”

Beth smiled, adoring how her order had been imprinted on the woman’s brain, not that it was a complicated order. “Of course.”

“No problem.”

“And thank you.”

“No problem.” Alison smiled to herself as she poured a fresh cup of coffee, black and bitter. She presented it to Beth, who accepted it with a matching grin.

She brought the cup to her lips, wincing at the taste.

“Oh! Is it bad?” Alison asked fearfully.

Beth shook her head. “No no! This,” she set her cup down forcefully, “is possibly the best cup of coffee I’ve ever had.”

“I’m honored at the sentiment, but that is literally impossible.”

Beth chuckled. “What could you possibly mean by that?”

Alison leaned against the counter with her hip, smirking. “I mean that all Starbucks coffee tastes exactly the same, and it is impossible for this cup to be any better than the others, provided that the person making it follows the instructions exactly as they should.”

“Well then everyone else must have been shitty at following instructions. You deserve a medal for this.”

Alison laughed, running a hand through her hair, pushing up her bangs before letting them plop back into place. She glanced down at her shoes, hiding a smile. “Well, thank you.”

“Mmm! How much?” Beth pulled out her wallet and threw it on the counter.

Alison waved her hand. “Oh, no! This one’s on me.”

“Isn’t that technically stealing?” Beth squinted.

“Definitely. I’m, uh, a bit of a rebel.” She could feel her face growing red at even attempting the joke. Alison Hendrix was many things, but a rebel would never be one of them.

“And I’m a security officer at a pretty fancy zoo. I could have you arrested for that.”

Alison raised an eyebrow. “Yes, but would you?”

Beth leaned forward, staring at her for several moments before leaning back and laughing. “I guess not. I like you way too much for that. Besides, I heard it’s hard to keep up relationships with someone in prison.”

Alison laughed, too shocked by the response to analyze it’s meaning or question it. “I didn’t think so,” is all she could mutter in response.

“But I owe you, okay? Coffee on me. Someday.” Beth licked her lips, her smile steady.

“I’m too poor to say no to free coffee.” Alison laughed.

Beth stood up, pushing the stool back under the counter. “Good. Okay well, I have to go do, uh, guard things. But I will back for some more of this,” she held up her coffee cup, “in a few hours. I will now only accept coffee from you, okay?”

“What about when we go out for coffee? Are you going to make me make that too?” Alison didn’t seem to have any control over her words now, they just spilled out.

Beth thought for a minute. “Okay, but I’ll only drink anyone else’s coffee if you’re with me. Deal?”

“Deal,” And just like that, the security guard was gone, and Alison was left alone in a coffee shop, still smiling.

 

***

 

“Chai latte,” Alison murmured to Sarah. “And a hot chocolate, extra whipped cream.”

“Sure thing, Alison!”

Sarah Stubbs was new to the little Starbucks, but she was a quick learner and eager to do her job properly, two qualities Alison was happy to have in a co-worker. She was nice, sometimes a bit too nice, but Alison supposed that was better than some of Aynsley’s qualities. Overall, Sarah was probably one of her preferred people to be stuck with at work.

“Here you are!”

Alison took the drinks, one in each hand with a nod and “thank you.” She handed them to the costumers, a woman and her young son. As they left, she called out a cheerful, “Have a nice day!” that she’d perfected over the last several months.

The door didn’t fully close though, because a man, early twenties, stuck his hand out and pulled it back open. Alison straightened up, immediately trying to look as if she felt better than she did. “Hello, Donnie.”

“Hi, honey. How are you?”

“Just fine.” She picked up a rag and began scrubbing the counter. “And how are you?”

“Eh, I’m okay. Pretty tired.”

Alison laughed harshly. “And what did you do to make you so tired, hmm?”

“I, uh, um,” Donnie sat down and ran a hand through his hair. “Well I was up pretty late last night watching television and-”

“And whose fault was that?”

Donnie chuckled. “You’re right, Alison, it’s mine.” He smiled, seeming to miss the true irritation in her voice.

“So did you want anything to drink?”

He smiled. “Actually, a strawberries and crème frappuccino would be awesome.”

“Really?” Alison raised an eyebrow.

“Yeah, it’s my favorite. Is something wrong with that?”

Alison shook her head. “No, no, not at all. What size?”

“A medium.”

“You mean a grande?”

He smiled. “You know what I mean, Alison.”

She sighed and spun around, fixing his drink. She set it down roughly and looked up with a bored expression on her face. “That’ll be four twenty-nine.”

“Seriously? I have to pay?”

Alison threw her arms in the air. “Of course you do, Donnie. I can’t just give you free drinks. That would be stealing.”

“Fine,” he said with a smirk. “Can I at least get your employee discount?”

“No. There are rules against that.”

“Wow, uh, okay. Four twenty-nine? I hope I have enough, I spent most of my money to get in. Have they raised the prices to enter a zoo? I don’t remember them being this high. I tried to tell the girl at the ticket window that I was only coming for Starbucks, but she just looked at me like I was crazy. You’re an expensive date.” He dug out his wallet and found the money, handing it to her. She snatched it out of her his hands and hit several buttons on the cash register.

“No one asked you to come, Donnie.” She shoved the money in the drawer and slammed it shut. She turned away from her boyfriend, grabbing a broom and beginning to sweep aggressively.

“You asked me to come, Alison. You did.”

“Really? I don’t remember that.” She didn’t even turn around.

Donnie stood up quickly, shoving the stool backwards. “God, I’m so tired of this! You just got mad at me for not visiting more often. And every time Chad comes in to visit Aynsley, you make a point of telling me all about it. I’m sorry if I misunderstood what I thought to be a subtle hint, but I just thought I would come visit my girlfriend at work, like Aynsley’s supposedly perfect boyfriend does.” He sat back down, a pouty expression pasted on his face. “I just want to be a good boyfriend,” he muttered.

Alison propped the broom up against the wall and slowly turned around. “I’m sorry.” The anger on her face melted. “You’re right. I do want you to come visit and I’m thrilled that you did. I’ve just,” she ran her hair through her hair, frustrated, “I don’t know, it’s been a really long, tiring day and I smell like coffee and wild animals.” She didn’t know how to explain her anger, it just seemed to spill out of nowhere every time Donnie came near her. She didn’t want it to. She wanted to be in a good and healthy relationship with Donnie. Sometimes she just needed to remind herself to act like it.

“It’s okay,” Donnie smiled, reaching his hand over the counter searching for hers. Alison flinched as it moved towards her, but she forced herself to place her hand in his like she knew he wanted. “I forgive you.”

The bell on the door startled them both. Alison tried to pull away, but Donnie’s grip remained tight.

“Beth!” Alison practically shouted, embarrassed to be found holding hands with her boyfriend.

“Hey?” she said, walking in slowly. She glanced down at their hands still presented on the counter and looked back up at Alison. “Uh, am I interrupting something?”

“Hello-” Donnie started before quickly being cut off.

“Beth, this is Donnie, my boyfriend,” she practically whispered the last word. “Um, Donnie, this is Beth. We work together, sort of. She’s a security guard.”

“I didn’t realize zoos needed guarding.” He smirked, proud of his joke.

“You know what, I can just go,” Beth pointed back behind her towards the door. “Sorry, you two are in the middle of something.” She waved her finger in their direction. “I can come back for my coffee later.”

“Beth, hey!”

“Or, uh, I think they have a pot of coffee in the break room. It’s probably from yesterday or something but uh, no it’s all good. I don’t want to get in the way.”

Alison shoved Donnie’s hand away, reclaiming her own. “Beth, come on. I can pour you some of my award winning coffee!” She smiled, trying to reassure her friend.

“Maybe later.” She shoved the door open and disappeared into a crowd of patrons.

Donnie turned back towards Alison. “And that was a friend of yours? She seems weird.”

Alison didn’t look back at him, instead keeping her gaze straight at the door. “Yeah, a friend.”


	4. Chapter Four

As the sun began to set, the little Starbucks grew quiet. A few customers trickled in, but for the most part, the bell on the door remained silent. When Alison was confident that they would be without enough customers to overwhelm someone as new as Sarah, she poured herself a cup of tea and clocked off for her break.

Usually her thirty minutes off meant sitting at the little table right outside the doors with a book propped open in her lap, but today she decided to roam the zoo’s paths. Alison grabbed her jacket from the back and shoved her arms into it before waving goodbye to Sarah and running out the door. The air had cooled off significantly since her lunch break earlier and for a moment, Alison closed her eyes and allowed the wind to lightly lick her skin. It had been a long day.

She opened her eyes and looked around for a moment before selecting a path and charging down it. Thoughts of Donnie filled her mind now, but she tried to push them out. He had left several hours ago when Alison had practically forced him to leave, only minutes after Beth’s appearance. His image made her sick, and she hated that it did. She loved him. Or she was supposed to.

Alison rounded a corner and found herself in front of a cage of monkeys. She sighed. Normally she disliked being around the animals, but today she didn’t seem to care enough to stay away. She had felt achy since Donnie’s visit and she couldn’t pinpoint the reason.

She took a step towards a solid wall adjacent to the cage’s wire and turned around slowly, letting her body slide down the stone until she was sitting. Her cup came to her mouth, allowing the warm drink to slip through her lips. Alison tilted her head back, and her pony tail scrunched up between the rock and her scalp.

“Excuse me, ma’am?”

“Hmm?” Alison looked up quickly, her eyes focusing on a woman standing before her.

“You can’t be sitting there.”

“Oh!” She quickly stood up and dusted herself off before looking back up to find Beth, smirking.

The security guard grinned harshly and laughed. “I was just kidding. You can sit back down if you want to. But um, that bench over there might be more comfortable.” Beth pointed towards a bench only a few feet away that Alison had apparently missed in her dazed state. “Plus, there’s room for both of us.”

Alison looked down quickly, hiding her blushing cheeks. Something about this woman made her feel tingly and she didn’t like it. “Oh, alright,” she muttered, dashing to the bench and plopping down without waiting for Beth to walk beside her.

Beth laughed and followed behind, sitting gently down next to the small Starbucks employee. She placed herself about a foot away, cautious of the distance and the other woman’s obvious discomfort.

“So um, that was your boyfriend?” She pushed her legs forward, placing her hands calmy between her knees.

“Yeah,” Alison said, gazing off in the opposite direction.

Beth nodded, not that Alison was paying enough attention to see. “How long have you guys been together?”

She took a sip of her tea and leaned back, feeling her muscles relax. She could answer these questions. They were routine, they were easy, they were facts. “Almost two years. It’ll be two years this September.” She had practiced answering many times before; the responses could roll off her tongue without a thought.

“Wow, you guys must be pretty serious.”

Alison nodded. “I guess so. We live together, actually.”

“Really?” Beth shifted her weight anxiously.

“Yes. Well, more like I live with him. But. Yeah.” She nodded again, forcing herself through the motions of a conversation she’d had many times before. “I suppose it’s really the same thing, after all.”

“Hmmm, yeah I guess.” Beth pulled her leg up towards her, bending it up onto the bench to fill the space between them. “Mind if I give some input? And, by the way, it’s totally okay if you say no. It’s really not my business anyway.”

“No, it’s okay.” Alison turned, interested in what she had to say. “Go ahead.”

Beth hesitated, piecing together her thoughts into a coherent and tactful sentence. “To me it just seems like you’re…” she stopped for a moment before continuing, “bored.” She let her words settle in for a moment, allowing Alison to step in if she felt uncomfortable. When she was met with silence, Beth went on. “All of your answers just seemed, I don’t know, rehearsed.” They are, Alison thought. “They seemed passionless.” They were. “If you don’t mind me saying, you seem to have settled.” I have. “And you don’t seem happy where you’re stuck.”

I’m not.

“And I don’t know, that’s completely from my literal five seconds spent with him, I could be completely making everything up. If so, just say the word and I’ll shut up about it.”

Alison felt anger bubbling over at the fact that this woman had been exposed to her relationship for only a moment and could see so clearly what she was trying so desperately to hide. The desire to scream at Beth for saying everything that she had been beginning to feel for months pushed at her, but she couldn’t be upset with her for seeing the truth. But it wouldn’t stop her from trying.

“My relationship with Donnie is important.” She turned sharply towards Beth. “You may not understand it, but that doesn’t matter because it’s not your relationship. It is going to work out with us.” She took a deep breath. “It has to, okay?”

Beth put her hands up as if to surrender. “Okay, you’re right. Let me please just say one more thing and then I promise I’ll be done. Alright?”

Alison nodded, forcing herself to calm down. She hadn’t meant to blow up at Beth. She’d been right, after all, but she hated admitting it.

“I’ve just never heard of a successful relationship that worked because it had to.”

Alison sighed and stared off at the monkey cage. She pulled out her phone checking the time. Twelve more minutes until she’d have to get up and walk back. Twelve more minutes she had to spend facing reality with Beth as her guide. “Yes,” she muttered, hoping Beth heard because she couldn’t possibly say it again.

There was no response. Alison feared her remark had gone unnoticed, and her shoulders slouched forward with defeat. If Beth didn’t respond, no one else would ever know how she really felt about her relationship with Donnie. She would never be able to say it again, and Beth was right, she was stuck and she was never going to get out without someone tugging her free.

And then, “Let me take you out for one fun night, you can get a little drunk and flirt with someone, nothing has to happen, just, I don’t know, have a bit of fun.” Beth ran a hand through her hair anxiously. “And then when you wake up in bed with Donnie the next morning, tell me that you’re really happy there and I’ll leave it alone.”

“I don’t have to tell you I’m happy if I don’t want to.”

“You’re right.”

Alison sighed. “But I will.”

“I know.”


	5. Chapter Five

“Felix! Pick up the darn phone! This is an emergency! Okay, call me back. Bye.” 

Alison hadn’t dressed for a party in over a year, and any of the parties she’d gone to in the past had been small gatherings between friends, nothing to stress over. But tonight, this would be one where she knew no one. She had everyone to impress and one night to do it. Tonight was the night she attempted to have some “fun” as Beth put it, the night where she put her relationship with Donnie to the test. Alison had to go all out.

A row of dresses lay across her bed, all unworn for months. Two still had the tags on them, and Alison wondered what she’d thought when buying them. She picked up a light blue one and held it against her body. It was probably her most worn among the pile, but it was also the most casual, the least daring. Recently she’d worn it to a friend’s wedding shower. She gently placed it on a hanger and slid it into the closet before turning back to examine what was left.

“Hey, honey, whatcha up to?” Donnie came barreling into the room, a soda in his hands.

Alison turned wildly, feeling guilty for being caught having made plans without him. But that was also the point.

“Um, nothing really just looking at…” she trailed off as he approached the bed, his fingers trailing over one of the dresses.

“Going out tonight?”

“Hmm? Oh, yes. Yeah, a friend from work is taking me out.”

He nodded. “Aynsley? Or Felix? They’re not really friends from work, I mean, you knew them both before you started working there, didn’t you?”

Alison shook her head and clasped her hands together anxiously. “Uh, no actually. A new friend. Beth, you sort of met her the other day when you, uh, visited?”

Donnie turned to her, an eyebrow raised. “Oh, really? She seemed kind of odd, but okay. What are you girls up to tonight?”

“Oh, I don’t really know. A party, I guess? She said a friend of hers was throwing one so I’m just going along. Nothing too exciting, really.” Alison felt guilty for the entire thing, guilty for one night of fun without her boyfriend, guilty for even considering testing him like this, guilty for his ignorance to it.

Donnie picked up a little black dress, holding it out to her. “How about this?”

Alison took it in her hands. “Really? This?” It was pretty, but not the kind of thing she normally wore. It was tight fitting, partially see through, short. Pretty slutty, actually. She wasn’t even sure how it’d ended up in her closet. “I don’t know, I’m not really comfortable with this-”

“Come on, honey, just try it on. Put it on for a minute and if you don’t like it, you can take it off, okay?”

She nodded sheepishly and slipped into the bathroom, tugging the door closed behind her. No matter how long her and Donnie would be together, Alison would always refuse to change in front of him. He sat down on the bed amidst the other dresses, waiting patiently for her to come out. A few minutes passed until she slowly pushed the door back open, hiding shyly behind the wall.

“Let me see!” Donnie urged. Alison revealed herself, and he gasped. “Oh, honey! You look stunning! You should definitely wear that one.”

“Really?” Alison gently lit up, turning to face her reflection in the mirror. She patted down the bottom, inspecting every aspect of her image. “Are you sure?”

Donnie nodded vigorously. “I’m positive.” He smiled and stood, still staring intently at his girlfriend. “Oh!” He barely managed to pull himself out of his trace. “I came up here to tell you that I have to go I’m meeting Chad and a couple of the other guys at the bar. But you have fun tonight!” He leaned over to kiss Alison on the cheek. “I’ll see you when you get home.”

“Okay, honey. Goodnight.” He slipped back out of the room leaving her alone to examine herself further. She took the dress off quickly and tried on each of the four others, but she finally came back to the first one. Donnie was right, it was the best of the bunch. She hated when he was right.

Just as she had situated the dress perfectly, there was a sharp knock on the door. Alison slipped her feet into the pair of heels she had set by the bed and raced towards the apartment’s door.

“Hey,” she breathed as she pulled the door open.

“Holy shit.” Beth stood on the other end, her mouth literally hanging open. “You look, um, jesus, you look amazing.”

“Oh, thank you.” Alison ran a hand through her hair nervously, patting down her bangs. “You look nice too.”

Beth glanced down at her plain, gray dress. “I don’t think so. I am nothing compared to you.”

Alison blushed. “Um, do you want to come in, or?” She was quick to change the subject, quick to get attention off of herself.

“Oh no, we actually have to go. I, uh, kind of promised to bring ice to the party, so until we get there everyone will be drinking warm beers and that will not go over well.”

“Isn’t there a refrigerator wherever we’re going?”

Beth laughed. “You overestimate the size of Art’s fridge.”

Alison grabbed her purse and closed the door, locking it behind her. “Art?”

“Oh yeah, I didn’t tell you. He’s one of the guys I’m training with to become a police officer. He just graduated yesterday, so he’s throwing this huge party at his apartment. It’s supposed to be killer, but I don’t know, I kind of don’t believe he has any friends ‘cept for Deangelis and me.”

“Then I guess it’s a good thing you’re bringing me, right? Sounds like he could use all the support he can get.” Beth laughed, and Alison grinned at her positive response.

“Come on,” Beth said, walking down the hallway without waiting for Alison to follow. She did though, trailing behind her like an obedient puppy, eager to please.

When they reached the car outside, Beth pulled the door open for Alison, and she flashed her a smile as she slid inside. “Thanks,” she chirped as Beth closed the door behind her and made her way over to her own side.

Beth plopped down on her seat and started the car. The radio blared piano keys in Alison’s ears, and she jumped, shocked at the inappropriately loud volume for such a calming song. Beth’s eyes widened and she quickly jammed her finger towards the power button, searching desperately to find the off switch. She finally found it and silence met them awkwardly.

“Sorry,” Beth stuttered. “That was embarrassing.”

Alison stared back at her, her eyes wide. She let out a loud laugh, almost a cackle, and it was Beth’s turn to be surprised. Beth began laughing too, a giggle that soon turned into an uproar matching Alison’s. They sat for several moments in Beth’s small car, laughing together though neither of them was quite sure why.

Finally, their breathing under control, smiles on their faces, Beth shifted the car into reverse and backed out of the apartment’s small parking area.

“Oh my gosh,” Alison breathed, barely under control of her giggles still.

“What?” Beth asked accusingly.

“Just, wow. I don’t know, I did not expect you to listen to that kind of music.”

Beth looked over at Alison, a wide grin spread across her face. “What do you mean? What did you expect me to listen to?”

“I don’t even know. But not that.”

Beth shook her head, her smile still steady. “Just. Shut up.” Which caused only more laughter from them both.

The remainder of the car right was mostly silent, but that was okay. They both felt comfortable in each other’s company in a weird way that Alison didn’t feel with almost everyone else in her life. The only sound penetrating the silence was light humming escaping Beth’s lips, a sound that Alison suspected closely resembled the song blaring through the speakers only moments previously.

A few minutes into the drive, Beth pulled into a small gas station. To get some ice, she explained.

“Want to come in?” she asked as she twisted the key out of the ignition.

“No thanks,” Alison said, shaking her head. Beth nodded with an “okay” and closed the door, locking it behind her.

It was a little thing she did, an annoying habit, but Alison had to know what was in the glove compartment. As soon as she saw the doors of the store shut behind Beth, she slid her small hand around the handle and pulled.

The space was completely packed, mostly with trash. Crumpled receipts and old napkins were tossed in haphazardly. Alison counted at least five packs of gum, all of them opened and torn apart. None of them were empty, but they’d all been at least partially used. Alison shook her head; it was very much like Beth.

The majority of the space was taken up by what appeared to be a walkie talkie, although it was larger than any Alison had seen before. She tugged it out of it’s place, holding it in her hands carefully. There were at least a dozen buttons all over the thing, but she didn’t want to touch any of them just in case it was secretly used to alert Beth that someone was snooping through her glove department.

A light tap hit the window Alison jumped. A high noise escaped her mouth, almost a squeaking sound. Beth laughed hysterically and opened the door, sliding in next to a wide-eyed Alison who still held the device in her hands.

“Are you having fun?” she asked, not even irritated that she’d caught her going through her stuff. Alison sat silently, staring awkwardly at everywhere but Beth’s eyes. “Oh, calm down. It’s fine, really. Go through all of my stuff. You could have even done that while we were driving.”

She laughed again and threw the bag of ice in the back seat.

“Um,” Alison finally muttered, barely managing to speak again. “What is this?” She held up the suspicious device.

Beth threw the key back into the car’s ignition. “Oh, that’s my police scanner.”

“Police scanner? I thought you weren’t a cop yet? Wait, isn’t this illegal? Oh god, my fingerprints are on it!” Alison quickly dropped it into her lap.

“Calm down!” Beth’s laughter was steady now. “It’s not illegal! They’re pretty easy to come by, these days. It’s not a great one, not like an actual cop would have but. I bought it as practice.”

Alison nodded slowly, picking the scanner back up.

“Oh, did you notice the gloves in there?”

“What?”

“The gloves! Isn’t that hilarious? Because it’s a glove compartment?”

Alison shook her head. “Jesus Murphy.”

They arrived at the party right on time, which was according to Beth, forty or so minutes late. “It takes forever for an Art party to get started up,” she explained as they parked in an empty space along the street. “Most of his friends are always late.” Alison didn’t bother to point out that they were, too. “I think it’s gotten to the point where he tells people to show up an hour before he actually wants them there.”

Beth swung the car door open and jumped out of the car. Alison followed slowly behind her, suddenly nervous. She tucked her hair behind her ear, and then untucked it again. She wasn’t usually anxious about social events, but she also didn’t usually go to social events. Other than book club meetings. She realized she had never been to a party like this, an adult party that didn’t revolve around the marriage of a couple or the birth of a baby.

“Come on!” Beth called, suddenly realizing she was several full steps ahead.“You walk so slowly,” she teased as Alison caught up. Beth smiled lightly and looped her arm through hers. Alison could feel herself blushing, and she looked away to hide a happy smirk. It had been a long time since she’d had a friend like this, a female friend she’d carpool to parties with and walk with arm in arm.

Felix was the kind of friend to see shitty movies with and complain about life things with, but she didn’t want to go to parties with him. He liked crazy things, clubs and flashing lights and drugs which she knew about but pretended she didn’t. It was nice to have someone like this, someone like Beth. Someone fun who, she was pretty sure at least, wouldn’t push her limits too much. At least she hoped.

Beth announced their arrival with a loud “helllooo!” which was returned mostly by nods and short waves.

The party seemed tame enough for Alison, but barely. She looked around shyly. There were probably only two, maybe two and a half dozen people here, but the apartment was small enough to make it feel like hundreds. Loud music was playing, but it wasn’t loud enough to shake the walls, meaning it was acceptable for now. Beer would be available here, as Beth had said earlier, but it didn’t look like the kind of crowd who would get blackout drunk. She could handle this. She could.

“Hey, rookie!” A tall woman with long black hair walked up to the pair with a sly smile on her face. Alison immediately disliked the woman.

“You act like you didn’t just graduate.” Beth replied cooley. She paused for a moment and then laughed, but Alison could tell the difference between this and the laughter in the car. The woman laughed along with Beth before turning away.

“That’s Deangelis,” Beth murmured to Alison. “Uh, Angie, you can call her. Although if you want to really piss her off, call her Angela. She hates her full name.”

Alison nodded, taking a mental note even though she knew she’d never use it.

“Hey, Art!” Beth called across the room. Alison scanned the faces, trying to piece the name with a person. A tall black man turned at the call, his face lighting up when he saw Beth. Alison watched as he tried to bring his facial expressions back under control, like he was trying to act like he didn’t like Beth as much as he did. He walked over calmy, his arms swaying at his sides.

“Beth,” he said with a nod.

“Congratulations, dipshit!” Beth smiled widely. “Here, I even brought you a grad gift!” She tossed him the bag of ice and Art caught it against his chest.

“Thanks, Childs.” He walked the bag of ice to the kitchen counter. Beth followed at his heel; it was apparent to Alison that the two were fond of each other. “So this will be you, pretty soon, huh? Six months left, right?”

Beth nodded. “Yeah, but don’t get too comfortable with your head start. I’ll be bringing more in than you within a month of being on the force.” Art shook his head, but the remains of a smile could still be found along his lips. “Oh, hey! I didn’t introduce you. This,” Beth wrapped her arm around Alison’s shoulder. “is Alison. She’s my hot date for the night. Alison, Art. He’s the one I told you about.”

“Only bad things, I hope?” Art responded without looking up from where he poured ice into a cooler.

“Only the worst.”

“Hi,” Alison said shyly, the first word she’d spoken since entering the party minutes earlier. It was unlike her to be shy, but she was quickly feeling at home in this new emotion.

“Hello, Alison.” Art smiled warmly at her. “Welcome to my lovely home.”

“Oh god, did you just say the word lovely? How many beers have you had?”

“Only one!” Art insisted. “Here, want one?”

Beth nodded. “Always!”

Art slid her a bear across the counter before walking away to join another group of party-goes.

“Hey, how old are you?” She lowered her voice and leaned towards Alison.

“Uh, nineteen, why?”

Beth thought for a moment then shrugged and handed Alison her beer. “Here, I’ll grab another one.”

Alison stared at the beer in her hands. Drinking wasn’t an irregular occurrence for her, but she’d never drank at a party before. Something about the environment made the entire thing feel different. “Aren’t you supposed to be a cop?”

Beth opened her own and shook her head. “Not yet,” she said with a toothy grin. “Still got six months, didn’t you hear? Just uh,” she lowered her voice again. “If Art or Deangelis asks, you’re twenty-two, okay? Both of them are desperate to make first arrests, I’m sure, and I wouldn’t put it past either of them to pull out the handcuffs right here.”

“Twenty-two?”

Beth shrugged. “Yeah, more believable than a perfect twenty-one. Besides, you look older than you are. Come on, let’s go sit down.” She grabbed a seat on a couch and patted the spot next to her. Alison sat down carefully, her beer clutched tightly in both hands.

“So are most of these people from police training?”

Beth shook her head. “No actually, I think the only ones I know here are Art and Deangelis. I think most of them are Art’s other friends. I recognize some from previous parties, but I don’t really know any of them.”

“Beth!” a new voice called, almost disproving the point immediately. Alison turned to see an urban-looking man walking towards them.

“Holy shit, Raj!” Beth got up quickly to hug the man. “I haven’t seen you in, like, forever! How long has it been? Probably since we graduated high school, right?”

“Uh, your graduation party actually. Mine was after but uh, you didn’t come to mine.”

“Oh god,” Beth laughed. “I’m so sorry. I’m sure I was busy or something, you know I’d never-”

“You were asleep, you said.” Alison couldn’t help but let out a light giggle.

“Oh, was yours one of the ones in the morning? I never understood why people did that.”

Raj looked down at his feet, but Alison could see the smile he was attempting to hide. She liked seeing this, everyone’s reactions to Beth. She could tell a lot about their feelings for her if she watched their faces closely. She wondered what someone would see if they studied people talking to her.

“Actually, it was at five in the afternoon. Until nine.”

“Oh my god, Raj!” Beth covered her mouth with her hands. “I am such an ass! I’m so sorry!”

Raj shook his head and laughed. “You know what? It is perfectly okay. I forgive you, Beth Childs.”

She smiled. “May I hug you again? I’d really like to hug you again. Like, a forgiveness hug.” Raj accepted with a smile and a “sure,” and they both leaned in to each other again.

“Here, why don’t you come and sit down with us? Oh! Raj, this is Alison, my lovely date for the night. Alison, Raj. Actually, I think you two would get along pretty well. You’re both kind of dorky in cute ways. You two, uh, talk! I’ll be right back.”

Raj sat down and smiled awkwardly at Alison. “She’s, um, something isn’t she?”

Alison nodded. “Yes she is. You know I met her like a week and a half ago, and then she decided she was going to just take me to a party.”

“That’s just like her. So are you guys, um? Actually a date?”

Alison jumped at the accusation. “What? Oh, god no. No no no. Beth is, uh,” she stared off after Beth, who was talking to Art again. “Beth is a friend.”

He nodded. “Oh, yeah cool. That’s cool. You know, I, uh. I actually had a pretty big crush on her in high school.”

Alison wasn’t surprised, but she tried to pretend like she was. “Oh, really? That’s sweet”

“Oh god, no it was not sweet. I pretty much stalked her. And she knew it too. But she was always so nice to me. She wasn’t repulsed or anything, she, uh, no she was kind.” Raj smiled to himself, like he was remembering a happy moment. “Or maybe she was just trying to get my math homework.” Alison laughed, and Raj smiled. “So how do you know her?”

“Oh, we work together, actually.”

“You mean at the police academy? Isn’t that what she’s up to these days? Are you training to become an officer, too? Wow, to be honest I didn’t expect tha-”

“Oh, goodness no!” Alison shook her head. “No no, I work at a Starbucks.”

“Beth works at a Starbucks?”

“Mmm, no! Sorry. Uh, the Starbucks is at the zoo where Beth is a security guard.”

“Oh,” Raj nodded. “That makes more sense. Well, cool!”

“What’s cool?” Beth had suddenly reappeared, standing over them both.

“Oh, hey Beth!” Raj jumped back up. “Uh, nothing. We were just talking. Here, you can have your seat back. I’m actually going to go, I think. But um, it was lovely to see you again and maybe we could get together sometime? Get drinks or something?”

“Yeah, maybe.” Beth smiled at him, and Raj quickly looked down, red coloring his cheeks. He practically stumbled away, and Beth turned back to Alison.

“He’s so sweet,” she whispered like she was telling a secret. She took a sip of her beer with a wince. “And he was so in love with me in high school.”

“Really?”

“Oh yeah.” Beth didn’t say it like she was bragging, just like she was trying to tell Alison about her past. “I was kind of a douche to him, though. I feel really bad about it now. It was nice to see him now, though.”

Alison laughed. “I can totally see it, though. You as, uh, you acting mean.”

“Aww, thank you.” Beth tilted over and shoved Alison playfully. “Hey, you haven’t even opened your beer!”

“Oh, uh. I don’t actually drink. Or at least I haven’t before.” It was a lie, but she also didn’t want Beth to think that drinking was a regular thing for her. She was still a bit afraid she’d be arrested on the spot.

Beth looked back up at Alison, and she realized how close their faces were to each other.

“Oh. Okay. Well, I don’t want to pressure you into anything. But I also think that you should try something new, especially since this is your big fun night out. Which, by the way, I’m sorry it hasn’t been very much fun so far. It’s really just been all of my friends. I’ll try to make it better. Although a beer would automatically make it better, just saying.” She smiled at Alison, and she suddenly didn’t mind how close they were sitting. “I promise I won’t let you get drunk, if you’re afraid of that.”

Alison shook her head. “No. No, I’m not afraid.” She suddenly would do anything to impress this girl, even drink for supposedly the first time.. Her hands fumbled to twist open the beer and she quickly pressed it to her lips, letting the dark liquid spill into her mouth. Beth smiled.

Hours later and they were still on the couch, a small collection of empty beers at their feet. Alison nursed a third one, which seemed like a lot to her, while Beth was on her fifth. This had been the entire party to Alison, just sitting on the couch with Beth, but she wouldn’t mind doing nothing but this for the rest of the night. When Beth suggested that she might not be getting the full party experience just talking to her, she only shook her head and insisted that they stay where they were seated.

“So,” Beth muttered “tell me about Donnie. Tell me about how much you love him.”

Alison shook her head. She knew what she was supposed to say, but it was harder to force the answers out with the beer in her hand and in her stomach. “I don’t know! I just don’t know!” she sighed.

“What don’t you know?”

Alison looked down at the beer in her hands before glancing back at Beth. “If I love him.” Beth nodded slowly, and Alison knew that she understood the feeling exactly. She closed her eyes and let the rest spill out of her. “I know I’m supposed to. I know I want to. But I don’t think that I do, or that I ever did. I just don’t feel a spark, an attraction, anything. Honestly, I don’t think I’ve ever felt that kind of a thing towards anyone before.”

“I understand.”

“You do?” It surprised Alison, though she’d seen a hint of this revelation on Beth’s face only moments previously.

Beth nodded slowly. “Actually, I used to be in a relationship quite similar to yours and Donnie’s.”

“Really?”

“Oh, yeah. His name was Paul. Big dick Paul. We, uh,” she tilted her head back against the couch and looked up, like she was trying to find the details of the past on the ceiling. “We lived together for a while. I moved in with him.” She looked back at Alison. “We were together for three years and one day I just realized that I wasn’t in love with him. And I never had been.”

“Did you ever figure out why?” Alison breathed, barely holding herself back from begging Beth for answers.

“Yeah. I was really gay.” Beth’s laughed, but it was hesitant, like she was waiting to see how Alison would respond.

She leaned back, her eyes wide. Her shoulders slumped with defeat and she looked down at her hands in disappointment. Beth didn’t have any answers for her. They weren’t similar after all. Alison wasn’t gay, she was positive. Which meant something else still had to be wrong with her.

“Hey, Childs!” Art strolled over to the girls on the couch. “Have you even looked around in the past hour?”

Beth jumped, glancing around the room. “What?”

“Everyone is gone except for your ass. Deangelis just left. Come on, I’m tired.”

“Arthuuuur!”

Art put his hand over head. “Beth, please? I’m exhausted.”

Beth surrendered. “Fine, okay. We’re going. You happy, dipshit?” Beth struggled to escape the couch, her legs tangled up in each other. “Whoops!” she sang, as she tripped, barely managing to rebalance herself to keep from falling.

“Jesus Christ, Beth, how many beers did you have?”

“Only two!” she pouted. Lie.

Art narrowed his eyes, clearing doubting her counting skills. “Alison, did you drink tonight?” Alison nodded sheepishly, afraid that he’d ask for her age. She wasn’t sure if she could lie drunk. “How many?” is all he asked instead. She held up three fingers and Art shook his head. “I’m calling you ladies a cab.”

“Art!”

“No, Beth. You can come pick up your car tomorrow. It would not be responsible of me to let you drive it home. Especially on tonight, of all nights. How would it look if you killed someone on your way home from my party right after I become a cop?”

“I can see how truly worried you are about our safety.”

Art shook his head, ignoring her last remark. He walked away and after a moment Alison could hear him talking on the phone. She stared off at the floor distantly, happy Beth wasn’t trying to keep up a conversation now. How hadn’t she known that Beth was gay? Normally she could tell these kinds of things. Beth didn’t look gay.

She glanced over at her now, slouching against the wall with her arms crossed. Alison tried to imagine her kissing another woman. Kissing Raj. Kissing Art? None of the images seemed right.

“Okay, a cab’s going to be here in just a minute. They said there was one that just dropped someone off about a block or two away, so it won’t take long. Try not to drink the rest of the beer while you wait, okay?”

Beth nodded, yawning into her hand. Alison felt a yawn coming, too. She hadn’t been tired a moment ago, but suddenly her exhaustion hit her full on.

The cab arrived shortly and Art made sure both girls were tucked safely inside of it before heading back upstairs. The ride was long, and Alison didn’t remember much of it. Her and Beth didn’t really talk, just sat silently each staring off into space. They were just tired, she thought.

The driver stopped at Alison’s house first. Beth insisted on getting out and walking her to the door, since Alison had been her ‘date.’ She cringed at the word now, wondering if that was really how Beth had meant it.

Alison lingered on the porch for a moment, looking up at Beth innocently.

“Is Donnie home?” Beth asked, looking anxiously at the door behind her.

Alison shook her head. “No, his car isn’t in the driveway. He’s out with the guys tonight, he usually gets in at two in the morning.”

“Okay,” Beth smiled.

“Why?”

She rubbed her arm with her opposite hand. “Because I wanted to do this.” Beth leaned forward quickly, pressing her lips softly against Alison’s. She pulled her arm back to her side and lifted her hand to cup the girl’s cheek.

Alison’s entire body jolted forward. There wasn’t an ounce of her that had expected this. She leaned into Beth for a moment, allowing her lips to linger, too in shock to do anything else.

“Beth!” Alison escaped finally, pulling away sharply. “What are you doing?”

“I-” The look of confusion on Beth’s face was unmistakable. “I am so sorry. I didn’t-”

“No! Um, it’s fine. Uh, okay. Goodnight, Beth.” Alison turned around and jammed her key into the lock, twisting it sharply, praising Jesus when it unlocked on the first try.

“Alison, wait! Can I please just-”

“Not now, Beth. Please? I will talk to you later but for now just, goodnight.” Alison pushed the door open and slipped inside, pushing it closed the moment her body got through. She saw a flash of Beth’s face, disappointed, confused, but mostly guilty. She leaned back on the door and closed her eyes, still not quite sure of what had just happened.

Alison wasn’t gay, she was positive.

Almost positive.


	6. Chapter Six

“Felix! Pick up the damn phone! This is an emergency!” She slammed the phone down, immediately wincing at the loud noise it made against her nightstand. Her ears were ringing, her head pounding, every ounce of her body throbbing. She slouched back down into her bed, curling up into a ball and pulling the blanket up to her chin. Alison Hendrix was beautifully, disastrously hung over.

“Hey, honey!” Donnie pushed the door open, irritating Alison instantly with his cheerfulness. “How are you feeling?” he asked, only to be met with a groan. He chuckled in response. “Wow, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you hung over like this before!”

“Go away,” she breathed, frustrated with every ounce of Donnie’s being. He seemed to miss the words completely.

“I hope you feel better soon, hon.” He crouched down next to her and ran his clumsy hand through her hair. Alison shied away from his touch, curling up tighter. “I’m going for a round of golf with the guys. I’ll seeya later.”

He leaned forward and brought his clammy lips to her forehead, and Alison couldn’t help but think how rough and unappealing they were compared to others she’d felt. As he left, closing the door much too loudly, she sighed. Her entire body suddenly felt queasy at the thought of last night.

Alison reached for her phone, ready to call Felix again, but it buzzed in her hands. She glanced down, smiling at the timing of his call, but was met only with the name “Beth” plastered on the screen. She closed her eyes, feeling the mental sickness wash over her again. She held her phone close to her chest until it stopped vibrating. “One missed call!” it visually screamed at her once she’d brought it back to her face.

Alison shook her head to herself and began to dial Felix’s number. As her finger hovered over the 7, her stomach clenched up and her mouth suddenly tasted suspiciously bitter. She threw the phone onto the comforter and ran for the bathroom, her hand clamped over her lips.

It was quick. She gathered her hair in one hand to keep it out of the way as she stumbled towards the toilet. She kneeled down at the base, lifted the lid, and felt the sickness travel through her until it was spilling out. Her eyes were watering as she flushed the toilet and weakly stood up.

Alison went to the sink and spooned cups of water into her mouth by her hands, rinsing and spitting the taste of illness away. She rubbed her eyes as she looked in the mirror, observing the mess that had somehow become her reflection.

Pink sweatpants and a light blue shirt had been clumsily thrown over her body, both now wrinkled and practically radiating the smell of alcohol after a night clutched to the drunk girl. She patted her clothes down, failing to make the miserable outfit look any better. Her hair, too, was a mess. Alison pulled it together, throwing it into an unintentionally sloppy ponytail. Next, she grabbed her toothbrush and got to work on her teeth, trying again desperately to rid herself of the taste in her mouth.

Finally, giving up, she returned to her bed and curled up underneath her comforter. She reached for her phone and redialed Felix’s number, this time successfully making it through all seven digits.

A click rang in her ear, signaling someone had answered the other line, but no one said anything. Instead, she could hear background noise, a woman giggling and music playing.

“Hello?” she began timidly. “Felix?”

“Did you just say damn? Bloody hell, the world’s coming to an end!”

“Alison!” She could hear another voice in the background, and she smiled at its familiarity.

“Is that-?” She sat up, excited at the presence of a long absent friend. Her head began to spin, and she groaned at herself for moving too quickly.

“Oh yeah! Sorry for not answering the phone last night, but she just got home from university and ‘s crashing at my place.”

“Why didn’t you tell me she was in town?”

“Ali-sooon!” The voice came again.

Felix laughed and shushed her. “Yeah, sorry! I had no idea she was coming and you were having your fun night with Beth last night and I didn’t want to interrupt you!”

“Ooh, Beth? Is she your lover? Your lady lover?”

“Cosima!” Alison could feel her face growing red at the accusation. She knew she meant nothing by it; it was a long running joke between the trio. “How perfect would that be? Three queer friends. We tend to run in packs,” her friend always said. Still, today it stung.

“Right, right, okay. Not gay, yeah. You’ve said it once or twice before. Donnie, and all that.”

“So how was your big fun night?” Felix asked, thankfully changing the subject. Although, once she’d thought about it, it wasn’t too far from the original conversation.

Alison chewed her lip. She wanted to tell them about it, she had to tell someone about it. But she was also too embarassed by the entire thing to let the words fall out of her mouth. She was barely able to consider the events of the previous night, herself.

(Plus, she knew they’d only tease her even more over the possibility of her being gay, and she was completely sure that she wasn’t. Definitely.)

“It was alright,” she started carefully. “I, um, got pretty drunk.” Alison could hear Cosima laughing in the background. “You know what?” She could feel her face growing red again. “I’ll just tell you the rest of it in person. I’m coming over.” It didn’t matter how much she wanted to stay in bed, ten feet away from both a toilet and trash can in case of emergency. She had to get out of the house, get somewhere where she wouldn’t sit and think all day.

Felix hung up, and Alison set her phone down carefully before climbing clumsily out of bed. She looked around her bedroom, then glanced down at herself.

“Oh well,” she muttered, too tired to even consider changing.

A few minutes later she slipped out of her apartment, slippers shoved onto her feet and keys the single thing in her hands. She trotted down a few flights of stairs, letting her mind wander. Images of last night flashed through her mind, and she shuddered again at their sudden appearance. Alison needed to work through her thoughts, but she also needed to just be in denial for a while. Possibly forever. That would probably work best.

She arrived at Felix’s and let herself in - he always unlocked the door when he knew she was on her way.

“Alison!” A body immediately attacked her, and she could feel Cosima’s arms tightening around her small torso.

“Hi, Cosima,” she sighed, happy to see the girl again. “I’ve missed you so much.” She tucked her head into her shoulder, breathing her in. During high school, the three of them had all been best friends, the “triple threat” as Felix sometimes called them, but Cosima had moved to Minnesota shortly after graduation to continue her education there. Alison felt like she never got to see her anymore.

“How have you been?” she asked when the other girl finally broke away.

Felix walked up behind her. “She’s been great,” he teased, clearly knowing something Alison didn’t.

Cosima smiled to herself, pushing her glasses up towards her face. “Yeah,” she agreed shyly, but Alison could see something like pride underneath it.

“Who is she?” she demanded. Alison knew this face well, the same one Cosima had worn after her first kiss in the girls’ locker room once everyone else had left for gym class.

“She’s a foreign exchange student that goes to school with me. Her name is Delphine,” Cosima’s eyes wandered back up towards Alison’s. “She’s French.”

“Oh, god,” Felix groaned. He’d clearly heard too much about her already.

“Good for you,” Alison said, nodding eagerly. When Cosima had first come out to her, she’d been shocked. Not because she had anything against the idea of it - Felix had come out long before, and everything about it was fine to her-, but just because she’d never thought of Cosima as the type to like girls. Now she was used to it, the way her eyes lit up when a cute girl walked by was unmistakable.

“Enough about me though, or I think Felix’ll kill me. Delphine’s all he’s heard about all night. How have you been?” Cosima dragged her over to the couch, crashing down and motioning for her to follow. She sat down carefully on the edge and Felix threw himself to the floor.

Alison thought about what had happened to her since she’d last talked to Cosima, about a month ago on their supposedly weekly skype call. Nothing significant, mostly just work. Except for the security guard that had wandered into her life a few weeks ago, which she was currently ignoring altogether, there was nothing new to report.

“Everything’s good, I guess. Work’s the same, Aynsley’s somehow crazier, Donnie’s Donnie.” She shrugged. 

“How are the acting classes going?” Cosima had always been her biggest supporter after Felix.

“I haven’t been going,” Alison admitted bitterly. “I can’t afford it right now.” She hadn’t even realized that she’d stopped attending the classes.

“But wasn’t that the whole reason you took the job at the zoo to begin with? So you wouldn’t have to rely on your parents who refused to pay for them?”

Alison ran a hand through her hair. Her head hurt too much to talk about serious topics like this, but it would probably also be the only chance she had to talk to Cosima for a while, and she missed their conversations so much. And, she thought to herself, this was a less painful conversation than others that could be had.

“I don’t know,” she admitted. “I’ve been busy and acting hasn’t really been on my mind recently. I’ve just felt kind of off for weeks now.” She hadn’t realized it was true until she said it, but the last few weeks had been odd. Between the long hours at work, Donnie’s constance disappearances, and Beth’s sudden and dangerous arrival into her life, everything felt questionable.

“It’s true,” Felix commented from his spot on the floor. “She’s been acting weird.”

Alison shot him a look. “What do you mean I’ve been acting weird? I’m fine!” She was okay to say it about herself, but no one else was allowed to say anything, even Felix.

“Do you really think I wouldn’t notice an extra beer bottle in my trashcan the other night, darling? And last night, roaringly drunk voicemail left on my phone?” Fear overwhelmed her. She didn’t remember leaving him any messages last night. Anything about a certain someone or a certain event could have been said. “Someone’s finally letting herself get out of control a bit. Fun being wild, isn’t it?” he teased.

Cosima grinned, flashing her sharp smile. She’d always been trying to get Alison to loosen up a bit, offering to get her high or trying to persuade her to get a tattoo.

“I guess,” she mumbled. It wasn’t true. She was perfectly in control, but she’d take it. Clearly she hadn’t said anything too much on the phone last night or Felix would have said so immediately, and wild Alison was a much better identity than gay Alison. She could admit to this problem if it’d take eyes off the bigger one.

Not a problem. An incident. It was only something that had happened, not something that she needed to fix or think about or that would change her.

“Is everything okay, Alison?” Cosima scooted closer to her, a worried look etched on her face. “This isn’t really like you. I mean, if you’re just having fun, I’m all for that. But if something’s going on to trigger this uncharacteristic behavior-”

“I’m fine,” Alison stated firmly. “Really.” She smiled to prove her point. “I’ve just had a weird couple of weeks and Beth wanted to take me out for a night of fun. It was…” She was training to be a professional actress. This was easy. Alison looked down for a split second before glancing back up, a perfect smile across her lips. “It was great. I got out of the house and saw what it might be like to act a little wild, as you put it, Felix. It was really nice.”

Felix raised a suspicious eyebrow but didn’t say anything.

Cosima smiled. “I’m glad to hear it.”


End file.
